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Short and Sweet Summary: Are you struggling because you’re not seeing signs from your dead spouse? Or you used to see signs but now they’ve disappeared and you don’t know why? No worries. All you have to do is change this one little thing.
Why do you suppose some people see signs from their deceased loved ones or feel their presence and others getting nothing. Zilch…zero…nada?
Well, I guess it mostly has to do with whether or not you believe it’s even possible.
Do you? Believe it’s possible, I mean?
And I have since the very beginning.
You see, a few months after my husband died, my kids and I spent the afternoon at our friend’s pool. My younger son hopped out the pool dripping wet and came over to get a towel from me.
He stood for a minute behind my chair and dried off with the towel wrapped around him. When he walked away my friend saw this:
She looked over and said, “Kim, turn around. You need to see this.”
I looked behind me and saw heart shapes as clear as day on the ground where my younger son stood.
“Holy crap!” I said. “This is a sign from Mark!”
I knew in that instant that my husband was with us that day. There was no question in my mind.
If you’re longing for connection to your dead spouse and wonder why you never see any “signs,” maybe you need to open your mind to what’s possible.
MY HUSBAND’S SIGNATURE HEART SIGNS
From that day on, my younger son and I spotted hearts everywhere.
We saw heart shapes in the leaves on our walks. Heart shapes appeared in the clouds. We even saw hearts once on the paper towel we used to clean up after dinner. I have a folder on my computer full of heart pictures I’ve taken over the years.
However, it’s this beauty that sticks out the most in my mind.
When the boys went skiing one night, I gave them toe warmers to wear inside their boots. The next morning when I realized I left the wrappers on the counter, I walked over to pick them up and throw them away.
That’s when I noticed the perfectly shaped heart formed from the leftover wrappers.
These heart shapes were everywhere. We called them Mark’s “signature heart signs.”
The only problem was, my older son didn’t see them. How could he not see the same hearts his brother and I saw? Because he was convinced it was all a fluke and we were trying to make something out of nothing. While that’s entirely possible, I wanted to believe they were signs from my dead husband.
So I did.
I reminded my son of the movie The Polar Express where the boy in the movie can’t hear the jingle bells because he didn’t believe in Santa. But other kids heard the bell because they believed. And when he watched the movie, he heard the bells because he believed in Santa.
“So, what’s the harm in believing these hearts are signs from your Dad?” I asked.
He didn’t want to believe it.
So he didn’t.
And he stayed that way for a few years. Until he saw what appeared to be a heart shape at work one day. Of course he was skeptical because that’s his nature, but he was also curious. He still didn’t quite believe what he saw, so he asked his Dad for a clearer sign. In fact, he requested a heart shape so undeniable that he would know it was from his dad.
And he saw the undeniable heart shape the next day.
Do you need to know where he saw the heart shape or what he was doing when he saw it? Nope. Because the details don’t matter. The point is, he saw a heart shape. And now he believes it’s a sign from his dad.
And his belief is all that matters.
THE SECRET TO FINALLY SEE SIGNS FROM YOUR DEAD SPOUSE
I receive emails from widows all the time who want to know how to see signs from their dead spouse. I also receive emails from widows who used to see signs but don’t see them anymore.
One particular message came from a concerned widow who used to get signs from her husband. For some reason she couldn’t feel his presence or see his signs anymore and she was struggling without them.
I shared with her and the other widows who reach out to me my super simple secret to finally seeing signs from your dead spouse:
The thing is, you can believe your dead spouse is with you regardless of whether or not you see any signs. Your thoughts about his presence matter way more than the evidence.
If you believe he’s with you, then he is. When you believe the heart shapes you see are signs from your husband, then they are. If cardinals perch on your windowsill and you believe they come bearing messages from the other side, they do.
We all have the choice to believe what we want to believe. If you’re struggling to see signs, you can always change your thoughts from, “he’s not here” to “he’s always near” whenever you’re struggling.
The loss of your spouse is profound. But so is your ability to decide how you want to feel about it. I choose to believe my husband is with me even though I very well may be assigning my own meaning to completely random events.
Some people will argue that I want to see signs so I assume that things I see are signs when they’re really not signs. They’re just leaves. Or clouds. Or wrappers. And while I can totally understand the origin of that point of view, I choose to believe otherwise.
And you can too.
The struggling widow decided to change her mindset to believe her husband is still with her regardless of whether or not she ever saw any “proof” again. But a curious thing happened. One of her husband’s old friends called her out of the blue. And then she had a dream about her husband.
Then she started seeing little signs.
All because she decided to believe again.
YOUR BRAIN GIVES YOU EVIDENCE
I’m sure you’ve heard the idea that your thoughts create your reality. I mean, it makes sense that if your primary focus is on negative thoughts, you’re more likely to experience negative outcomes and vice versa.
The entire field of cognitive therapy is based on the premise that people create their own realities by their thoughts and behaviors.
In this Psychology Today article, the author states:
It’s fascinating stuff, really.
And the brain likes to provide us with evidence of our thoughts. We “sift the environment for evidence that matches what we believe to be true.” So when you believe you’re seeing signs from your dead husband and thinking thoughts that align with that belief, your brain keeps showing you more evidence of those thoughts.
You send signals to your brain about what’s important by what you pay attention to and what you think about. When you decide something is important, your brain hops on board by providing as much evidence as it can find. Your brain is super efficient that way.
And then your thoughts turn into feelings about that thing. So, back to the signs. If you think you’re seeing signs and your brain provides evidence of those signs, chances are you feel pretty good, right? You’re feeling better knowing that your dead husband is still with you.
But, when you’re not seeing signs? When you think that signs don’t exist or that they don’t exist for you? Your brain will align with those thoughts and won’t show you evidence to the contrary.
Those leaves? That cloud? The wrappers?
No signs there. No siree. They don’t exist. And you feel like you’re struggling without them.
So, the question is, how do you want to feel about it? Which way sounds better to you?
ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT
It’s one thing to believe and another to actually start seeing signs.
You know you need to be open to it. We’ve covered that. But, what if you’re open to seeing signs, yet nothing presents itself to you? Nothing really stands out as a sign?
Ask for one. And be prepared to receive signs in ways you weren’t necessarily expecting.
In her book, What the Dead Have Taught Me About Living Well, author Rebecca Rosen, a spiritual medium, suggests asking your loved one to send messages or signs.
The key is to not get too wrapped up in what you think you want to see. Because if you’re thinking of a specific outcome, that super efficient brain of yours will try to provide evidence for that. And you might miss a sign because you weren’t expecting it.
Trust that you’ll know it when you see it.
WIDOW WRAP UP
If our thoughts become things and what we think determines how we feel, doesn’t it make sense to think good thoughts?
It sounds simple enough, right?
In reality, however, it can be really hard to do when you’re still reeling from your spouse’s death, angry that he died and miserable because you’re left to pick up the pieces.
I get it. I’ve been there, too.
Jut remember you always have a choice. Even if you’re angry, you can still choose to believe he’s with you. If you’re miserable, you can still choose to believe the cardinal perched on your windowsill is a sign.
If you’re struggling because you don’t think your husband is with you, haven’t received any signs or never seem to feel his presence, change your thoughts. Remind yourself that “he’s always near” instead of convincing yourself that “he’s not here.” Then let your brain pick it up from there and provide all the evidence you need.
And then believe what shows up.